


My Lover's Got Humor (Pynch Week 2017)

by galateaofthewestside



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam likes it anyway, Almost Makeouts, Antiques AU, Bad Jokes, I break the rules, I'm not kidding about the bad jokes, Illegal Activities, M/M, Pynch Week, Ronan is bad at flirting, Sexpeculation, Sexy Wrestling, Slang, Tags to be added, band au, porn but not really, probable OOCness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-08 17:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11651649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galateaofthewestside/pseuds/galateaofthewestside
Summary: Pynch Week 2017; nothing is serious, rules are broken. Chapter 6 is NSFW.





	1. something blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual prompt for this is "something old//something new//something borrowed" so of course I had to break the rules.

Sharing a bed with Ronan was a challenge. Adam never expected anything to be easy with Ronan, but he never thought Ronan could be as exasperating asleep as he was awake.

It was baffling to Adam, to whom sleep had become so precious that he could drift off at anything less than a ninety degree angle, that Ronan could toss and turn for hours before falling asleep. At best, Ronan would curl around or under Adam and Adam would have to sleep with Ronan plastered to his body. Sometimes, Ronan got out of bed and left Adam to sleep in peace; others he bothered Adam with his sharp elbows and sighs and rolling over. Rarely, Adam was woken up by whatever Ronan brought back from dreams, whether it was living or inanimate. 

One particular morning, Adam woke to some hard, pointy object poking him in the back. "Ronan," he groaned.

The object was removed from his back and ended up in front of his face. Adam accepted he wouldn't be sleeping any more that morning and opened his eyes. It was a vaguely familiar painting of two jester-looking boys, done all in blues.

"Is this a self-portrait?"

"It's Picasso, asshole. From his blue period."

Adam remembered, "You're wrong; this is supposed to be pink."

Ronan snickers, "Blue period."

Oh dear.

\---

The next time they saw Blue, Ronan brought the painting. Adam thought vaguely about trying to stop him, but decided Ronan was a big boy and could deal with his own problems.

Ronan presented the painting to Blue with a flourish. "Picasso. For your period."

Adam didn't wait for Blue to figure out the joke before finding cover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does this joke even make sense? oh well.


	2. Pirates AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually fill the prompt...sort of.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Adam whispered.

"Why not? It's practically asking to be taken!" Ronan cackled madly.

"Gansey could catch us."

"And do what? Haul us off to jail?"

"He'd do it."

"You're being ridiculous. I've done this plenty of times before. We've done way more dangerous things."

Adam sighed. "Fine, I guess."

Giggling like a madman, Ronan started the illegal download of "The Lorax".


	3. "Dance with me."

"Come on Parrish, let's dance." Ronan raises his fists like a sixth-grader who'd been the victim of a vicious "yo mamma" joke.

Adam is glad Gansey and Blue weren't there to get mad on his behalf. He feels like he should be offended, but--"In the comic book hero way, or the Cinderella way?"

Ronan snorts, annoyed, but Adam doesn't miss the hint of a smirk on his mouth. He raises his fists in a half-hearted parody of Ronan's stance.

To his surprise, Ronan doesn't swing a fist at him, but ducks under his guard and grabs him around the thighs, then tips him gently over. Adam's brain is too full of "what the fuck" and "why didn't he tell us he was a ninja" to fight back. Then, Ronan straddles his chest and presses his forearm against Adam's neck, just hard enough to threaten, not to harm. Fuck.

Adam is acutely aware of every point of contact with Ronan: his muscular legs slightly squeezing Adam's chest, strong arm against his throat, dilated pupils on his. Adam swallows, feeling his Adam's apple rub against Ronan's arm.

"Are you gonna tap out, or are we just gonna sit here?"

Adam taps on his shoulder. Ronan rolls off him.

"Pussy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam can't decide whether or not to learn how to wrestle and pin Ronan to the ground, or not learn and keep letting Ronan pin him down. (Ronan would prefer the former :D)


	4. Fake Dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the antiques au no one asked for, and no one needs

"I can't believe you told Mrs. Brennan that her vase was made in 1954 instead of 1955!" Adam is cute when he's annoyed.

"It isn't?"

"No, Ronan, look at the patina!"

Ronan looks, and rolls his eyes. "One year doesn't make all that much difference."

"It makes exactly a $15,000 difference."

"You saw her Berluti shoes. She probably rolls her joints with benjamins." 

"What if she gets a second opinion?"

"What if she doesn't and sells it to us?"

Adam sighs,"Then that hideous vase will be an albatross to your stupidity."

"Calm down, Edgar Allen."


	5. Stars

"For the last time Ronan, we are NOT covering the murder squash song for the album. Think of the fans." Adam said.

"But Noah wants to; that's one versus two."

"Do you really think Gansey and Blue will agree with you? It's three verses two."

Ronan smirked, "What if I blow you?"

"You blow me for free."

"What if I eat you out?"

"You do that for free, too. Besides," Adam set his guitar down. Practice was not going to happen today, "You know I like eating you out much better than you like doing it to me."

Ronan swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, his cheeks flushing. He was easy for Adam to fluster, and Adam was ridiculously easy for his flustered state. "Yeah, what's your point?"

Adam rolled his eyes; he knew when he had Ronan on the hook, "C'mere."

Ronan set his guitar down. Adam pulled him into his lap, put his mouth to his neck, going over yesterday's suck marks. Ronan exhaled heavy, breath against his cheek, and--

"EWWWWW!" Noah howled, entering with Blue and Gansey.

Adam sighed. It seemed practice was back on schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like band AUs way too much.


	6. Language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't really coherent but oh well.

If Adam thought about it, he had never thought about what Ronan would be like in bed. Ronan had seemed like a god--untouchable, something to be worshiped from afar, but never something to be brought to earth, and certainly not to Adam's bed. But now that Ronan was his, he didn't have to imagine. 

If Adam thought about it, it was difficult to pinpoint one particular thing about Ronan in bed that was his favorite. If he had to pick just one, he supposed it would be how enthusiastic and responsive he was, to everything. When Ronan had first slipped his hands under the waistband of Adam's boxers, he seemed intent on giving much more than he got. It had made Adam uncomfortable to be the object of such one-sided care, but as soon as Ronan got his mouth around his cock, Adam forgot everything but the boy in front of him. Ronan was incredible, moaning around his cock and making himself choke on it. Adam had been completely overwhelmed. 

If Adam thought about it, he wasn't surprised Ronan cursed like a sailor during sex. It was so natural he hadn't even been surprised or thought to expect it. What he was surprised by was the sinful way Ronan said his name. Sometimes it was a moan, sometimes a gasp, sometimes he merely mouthed the syllables. It never failed to drive Adam crazy, and Ronan knew it. Ronan knew that all he had to do to make Adam drive into him harder was groan his name in that low voice of his; Adam was in awe of how out of control Ronan could make him with just his voice.

If Adam thought about it, he was much quieter than Ronan in bed. He didn't mind (all the better to hear all of Ronan's little noises), and he knew Ronan (who was utterly shameless in bed) didn't mind either. He always got louder the closer he neared his climax, which only made Ronan moan more, and if they came together Adam pitied anyone unfortunate enough to be in earshot.


	7. First time

"I don't know if I can do this." Ronan whispered, biting his lip worriedly. 

"It'll be okay," Adam said soothingly, "I'll be with you the whole time."

"Obviously," Ronan snorted,"But still, what if I'm just not good at it?"

"Don't worry, you'll be fine." Adam laced his fingers with Ronan's.

Ronan took a deep breathe, and dialed the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahaha


End file.
